I have said this before in another social media outlet; if he is not dead, incarcerated or abusive there is no excuse for a father not to play a role in his child's life. If the father can't do much to contribute financially he can certainly spend time with the child or children, as a matter of fact that's usually what the child wants most anyway.
My mother raised me for the most part in her own, i had three sons and raised them for the most part on my own, i know what it felt like not to have my father around and i hated to see the hearts of my son's break when they realized that their father was not who they thought he was. It pains me when i see more babies coming into the world and their fathers are not active in their lives. Women say i am not the first and i won't be the last to raise a baby by myself but my question is; is that an acceptable answer? The answer is no. Of course you can not make a person do anything they don't have the mind or will to do but that child is going to eventually ask questions about their father and his family. Beyond that the mother needs to know that father's, and his family's, medical history because what if this family has a history of mental defect or cancer or skin conditions or allergies or addictions. I know that sounds like a lot but trust me these are all very important things to know and one of the reasons it used to be mandatory to do a blood test before you got married.
While raising my sons i made sure to have conversations with them regarding how they felt about their dads and the lack of their presence, in those conversations one of the things i would say is now you know how not to do it. I did that because the conversation was never had with me, my father's absence was never discussed with me and i wanted to be different, i wanted them to know that their feelings, thoughts and opinions did matter. Ultimately i did not want to raise deadbeat dads, no deadbeats. One of the other things i did not do is speak bad about their fathers to them or around them, my mother didn't do it when it came to my father and i wasn't going to do it to theirs. I wanted them to form their own opinions and learn from the example put in front of them. I refused to raise deadbeats, no deadbeats.
Currently only my oldest has a child and he is very active in his son's life because he wanted to make sure his child did not have the same experience he had. He is with his son every day and he refuses to let his son's mother deter him from doing his part, his child is his top priority... No deadbeats.
It hurts my soul to see babies without active fathers because that is yet another generation dealing with issues that it shouldn't have to deal with all because the adults in its life couldn't get it together. No deadbeats.
Fathers stand up and raise your children! Mothers let that father do his job!
NO DEADBEATS!
Peace and blessings wonderful people,
Jai ar
