Monday, December 20, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
20 Years
i have learned several things about myself over the last 20yrs, especially when dealing with relationships. after being with the same man for 12 years and in and out of several relationships since then i've learned that my tolerance level has changed tremendously. i am no longer capable of spending too much time on what i consider to be unnecessary bullcrap.
after dating someone for 6yrs and then being married to them for an additional 6yrs and realizing that outside of my children and the lessons i was learning there were more cons than pros to that relationship and while i try not to compare each new relationship to that one i find it hard not to when i begin seeing similar, if not the same, behavior. i believe in following, or at least listening, to my gut instincts. if my gut tells me that several of the things you have said to me come across as less than honest then my antennas are raised and i am now paying closer attention to your words AND actions. while i may not say something right away believe me i'm taking notes.
i've also learned that being as honest as i possible can helps to keep down the mess and drama. i dated one man recently for 1 1/2yrs when i should have been out of that within 6months because all of the signs were there. i knew in my gut he was not my future but i was, to a degree, enjoying this new adventure i was on. but early in the relationship i found out that i was not the only woman he was dating and not only was there one other woman but at least two. before this was confirmed for me i had a gut feeling that it was happening just because of some of the lame excuses he gave me for not spending time, "i'm going to vegas this weekend so i won't be able to spend time with you" or "no, we can't go out this weekend because i think i have something going on", after about the third or fourth lie i just said "babe, if you don't have time for me or want to spend time with me then please just tell me. i'm a big girl and would rather you be honest than to lie about it". he was a bit dumbfounded by it and didn't initially believe me so he proceeded to tell at least one more lie. by this time i had confirmed that i wasn't the only one and asked him about it and he lied at first but when i told him it was ok to tell the truth because i wasn't like every other woman he had encountered and he saw that i wasn't, he did tell me the truth.
even with knowing this already it did still hurt a bit to hear it but i was a big girl and dealt with it. i thanked him for being honest finally and told him that they helped me put things in a better light and i knew what i had to do. had i decided to stay in the dark about it and not confront the obvious that year and a half relationship could have easily turned into 12 years of the same old same old but because i was less tolerant of the bull and still lived my life instead of wrapping up in his it was easier for me to say this is what i want and he can't provide it so i must move on.
i am confident that i am a good woman, not a perfect one because that doesn't exist, but definately a good on and most of the time when i'm fed up with the bull in a relationship and decide to move on the man says he's cool in the beginning but somehow he later realizes that i was not as bad as he thought, as a matter of fact i was actually one of the best he's ever had, he inevitably calls me and either apologizes for his behavior or makes it known that he wants me back. it doesn't make me feel powerful to hear that but it does make it easier for me to deal with the decision i've made to end that relationship because now i know that he finally realizes what i was trying to show him all along, that i am not every other woman he has dealt with in his past.
i am not bitter about that 12yr relationship and i don't consider it a waste of time at all because the lessons i learned while in it have made me make better decisions in the past 8yrs since it ended and that makes me a better person all around.
peace and blessings,
jai
after dating someone for 6yrs and then being married to them for an additional 6yrs and realizing that outside of my children and the lessons i was learning there were more cons than pros to that relationship and while i try not to compare each new relationship to that one i find it hard not to when i begin seeing similar, if not the same, behavior. i believe in following, or at least listening, to my gut instincts. if my gut tells me that several of the things you have said to me come across as less than honest then my antennas are raised and i am now paying closer attention to your words AND actions. while i may not say something right away believe me i'm taking notes.
i've also learned that being as honest as i possible can helps to keep down the mess and drama. i dated one man recently for 1 1/2yrs when i should have been out of that within 6months because all of the signs were there. i knew in my gut he was not my future but i was, to a degree, enjoying this new adventure i was on. but early in the relationship i found out that i was not the only woman he was dating and not only was there one other woman but at least two. before this was confirmed for me i had a gut feeling that it was happening just because of some of the lame excuses he gave me for not spending time, "i'm going to vegas this weekend so i won't be able to spend time with you" or "no, we can't go out this weekend because i think i have something going on", after about the third or fourth lie i just said "babe, if you don't have time for me or want to spend time with me then please just tell me. i'm a big girl and would rather you be honest than to lie about it". he was a bit dumbfounded by it and didn't initially believe me so he proceeded to tell at least one more lie. by this time i had confirmed that i wasn't the only one and asked him about it and he lied at first but when i told him it was ok to tell the truth because i wasn't like every other woman he had encountered and he saw that i wasn't, he did tell me the truth.
even with knowing this already it did still hurt a bit to hear it but i was a big girl and dealt with it. i thanked him for being honest finally and told him that they helped me put things in a better light and i knew what i had to do. had i decided to stay in the dark about it and not confront the obvious that year and a half relationship could have easily turned into 12 years of the same old same old but because i was less tolerant of the bull and still lived my life instead of wrapping up in his it was easier for me to say this is what i want and he can't provide it so i must move on.
i am confident that i am a good woman, not a perfect one because that doesn't exist, but definately a good on and most of the time when i'm fed up with the bull in a relationship and decide to move on the man says he's cool in the beginning but somehow he later realizes that i was not as bad as he thought, as a matter of fact i was actually one of the best he's ever had, he inevitably calls me and either apologizes for his behavior or makes it known that he wants me back. it doesn't make me feel powerful to hear that but it does make it easier for me to deal with the decision i've made to end that relationship because now i know that he finally realizes what i was trying to show him all along, that i am not every other woman he has dealt with in his past.
i am not bitter about that 12yr relationship and i don't consider it a waste of time at all because the lessons i learned while in it have made me make better decisions in the past 8yrs since it ended and that makes me a better person all around.
peace and blessings,
jai
Sunday, August 1, 2010
toy party review
ok, so about a week ago i went to a co-ed adult toy party and it was a very interesting, eyeopening and fun experience. we laughed, drank, played games and had a good time.
it was great to see a couple of the men that were there really get into it and have fun, they were not closed to the idea of using sexual aides in the bedroom. there was however one man that felt if he wasn't enough then too bad for his wife. so sad, poor woman and man for that matter because he has no idea what he may be missing out on if his wife really enjoyed the new adventure they could embark on.
there was, however, on fly in the oinment...there were a few of us having a really good conversation on sex in general, kama sutra, oral sex and the overall pleasuring of your partner. i did not volunteer any information but there was this one guy that asked several questions and i answered them, he even went as far as saying that my female friend and i looked like we were both freaks but we weren't overt about it. i answered yes but that was between myself and my partner and my level of freakiness depended upon how much i trusted him. so we have this conversation, it's over and as far as i was concerned that was that. i'm having another conversation with another male and while we are talking the first guy is talking to his girlfriend and i can sense the tension between them. i'm hoping this dude isn't saying anything foul or off the wall to his girl.
i continue talking with the other guy, he's telling me about his marital issues and such but i'm still drawn to the tense energy from the couple and hoping that he isn't suggesting that i be a part of a triangle or something (it's been offered before). so i finish the conversation with the one guy and finally the party is over.
so the next morning i get a message from the girlfriend of the guy asking questions, who happens to be a good sistafriend of mine. she wanted to know what it was that we talked about because he was talking crazy that night and told her that i wanted to have sex with him. so i told her the truth; we had a conversation, it was geared towards sex because we were at an adult toy party but that i never made a pass at him, never told him i wanted to sleep with him in any way and nothing i said should have given him that idea. she thanked me for being honest and asked me to let her know if he said anything more to me and i told her i would.
wouldn't you know it two days later that man sent me an apology for his behavior the night before. i accepted the apology and told him that i wasn't a messy kind of woman and that his girlfriend, my friend was a good friend and i wasn't going to mess that up because of him and told him to have a good life. i let my friend know he sent the email and she thanked me. can you believe this dude sent me a friend request on fb!? i didn't tell her and i ignored his request.
good grief!
it was great to see a couple of the men that were there really get into it and have fun, they were not closed to the idea of using sexual aides in the bedroom. there was however one man that felt if he wasn't enough then too bad for his wife. so sad, poor woman and man for that matter because he has no idea what he may be missing out on if his wife really enjoyed the new adventure they could embark on.
there was, however, on fly in the oinment...there were a few of us having a really good conversation on sex in general, kama sutra, oral sex and the overall pleasuring of your partner. i did not volunteer any information but there was this one guy that asked several questions and i answered them, he even went as far as saying that my female friend and i looked like we were both freaks but we weren't overt about it. i answered yes but that was between myself and my partner and my level of freakiness depended upon how much i trusted him. so we have this conversation, it's over and as far as i was concerned that was that. i'm having another conversation with another male and while we are talking the first guy is talking to his girlfriend and i can sense the tension between them. i'm hoping this dude isn't saying anything foul or off the wall to his girl.
i continue talking with the other guy, he's telling me about his marital issues and such but i'm still drawn to the tense energy from the couple and hoping that he isn't suggesting that i be a part of a triangle or something (it's been offered before). so i finish the conversation with the one guy and finally the party is over.
so the next morning i get a message from the girlfriend of the guy asking questions, who happens to be a good sistafriend of mine. she wanted to know what it was that we talked about because he was talking crazy that night and told her that i wanted to have sex with him. so i told her the truth; we had a conversation, it was geared towards sex because we were at an adult toy party but that i never made a pass at him, never told him i wanted to sleep with him in any way and nothing i said should have given him that idea. she thanked me for being honest and asked me to let her know if he said anything more to me and i told her i would.
wouldn't you know it two days later that man sent me an apology for his behavior the night before. i accepted the apology and told him that i wasn't a messy kind of woman and that his girlfriend, my friend was a good friend and i wasn't going to mess that up because of him and told him to have a good life. i let my friend know he sent the email and she thanked me. can you believe this dude sent me a friend request on fb!? i didn't tell her and i ignored his request.
good grief!
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Co-Ed Adult Toy Party
headed to my first one tonight, this should be rather interesting. i'll blog later my experience.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Postings of wonder
When you read a person’s post and you notice that every time you read one it’s nothing but negativity do you wonder if that person is just an unpleasant person and is just that damned unhappy with life in general? Or were they never trained to look for or expect any positives out of life?
Or every time you read a person’s post and it’s all about their sexual prowess does it make you wonder if that person is as great in bed as they say they are or are they feeling inadequate and use this medium to make themselves feel better? Not that you are interested in finding out if they are good because it actually disgusts you with how much they talk about it.
Or every time you read a person’s post and its all drama do you wonder if that person is just really lonely or sad or depressed and is just crying out for someone, anyone to pay attention or to help them?
When it’s all about spirituality do you wonder how spiritual are they really? Is it just lip service so they can say, “see God, see what I did”? or do they have a true walk with the Creator and are doing as they are directed to do?
When it’s all positive do you wonder how anyone can be so freaking positive and what meds are they on? Or is it because they know that life holds some negatives, some unknowns but they choose to look at things in a better light, they choose to say that no matter what is thrown at them someone else’s life is much worse than theirs at that very moment with no chance of improvement?
When there are tons of grammatical errors and misspelled words do you wonder if they are just plain stupid or lazy? Or do you wonder if they were stunted in their development somehow and no one saw fit to help them along so that they would become better at grammar and English or any subject for that matter? And then you wonder what you can do to help them without offending them.
When a person’s posts are all about what “the man” is doing to hold us back do you wonder what that person’s insecurities or deficiencies may be or if they are really and truly being held back? A lot of times when we are not where we want to be or feel we should be it’s not about what “the man” is or has done it’s about what we are not doing.
Do you wonder these things? I do…
Peace and Blessings
Or every time you read a person’s post and it’s all about their sexual prowess does it make you wonder if that person is as great in bed as they say they are or are they feeling inadequate and use this medium to make themselves feel better? Not that you are interested in finding out if they are good because it actually disgusts you with how much they talk about it.
Or every time you read a person’s post and its all drama do you wonder if that person is just really lonely or sad or depressed and is just crying out for someone, anyone to pay attention or to help them?
When it’s all about spirituality do you wonder how spiritual are they really? Is it just lip service so they can say, “see God, see what I did”? or do they have a true walk with the Creator and are doing as they are directed to do?
When it’s all positive do you wonder how anyone can be so freaking positive and what meds are they on? Or is it because they know that life holds some negatives, some unknowns but they choose to look at things in a better light, they choose to say that no matter what is thrown at them someone else’s life is much worse than theirs at that very moment with no chance of improvement?
When there are tons of grammatical errors and misspelled words do you wonder if they are just plain stupid or lazy? Or do you wonder if they were stunted in their development somehow and no one saw fit to help them along so that they would become better at grammar and English or any subject for that matter? And then you wonder what you can do to help them without offending them.
When a person’s posts are all about what “the man” is doing to hold us back do you wonder what that person’s insecurities or deficiencies may be or if they are really and truly being held back? A lot of times when we are not where we want to be or feel we should be it’s not about what “the man” is or has done it’s about what we are not doing.
Do you wonder these things? I do…
Peace and Blessings
been absent while present
been away from the blog for a little while because life interrupted as it does sometimes. so what has happened lately? well i stayed at that "wonderful" downtown hotel again that had the horrible customer service and not so great rooms. why? because when i stayed with them the two times before they had no idea who i was, who i worked for or what my connection was to them and that's just the way i like it. i want you to give me the same service you would give another patron, i want everything to be what it would be if i were jane blow coming in off the street and making a reservation, that way i can critique you honestly on your true behavior and customer service.
so, needless to say, once they figured out who i was and what my connection was to them they offered me a night's stay in one of their better rooms and initially i wasn't going to take it because two unpleasant experiences were enough for me. but later, as i thought about it and realized that i did need a night away, i accepted it. it was on one of the busier weekends because of the holiday and that's why i chose it. i wanted to see what would happen once they were swamped with independance day celebrations as well as their normal weekend crowds.
so here goes:
1. customer service overall was great, everyone was extremely pleasant and knowledgeable and if they didn't know they did not pretend to and had no problem saying let me double check that. they also waived a fee that i had totally forgotten about and was not prepared for. they answered the phone promptly and courteously everytime i called with a question.
the one problem i had, and it's ongoing until they make a permanent change, everytime i go i bring my pod to listen to my music of choice and they don't have pod docking stations. what they have are the radios that require an adapter cord, which is fine because the radio in my office is like that and i can work it just fine, however, i have the hardest time getting theirs to work so i have to call down for an engineer everytime and everytime they send me a new radio. this time they sent the radio and i explained to the housekeeper what i needed and asked for and he said you know call back down there and insist they send you what you asked for initially because a new radio isn't going to solve that problem. i told him he was absolutely correct and i appreciated him understanding that and acknowledging that there was nothing he could do to help.
2. the room was really nice, neat and clean and overall pleasant. i had a friend come to spend the day with me and they enjoyed the size of the room, the layout and all of the comforts just as much as i did. the bed felt awesome and i had a really hard time getting out of it the next morning. my only issues were because of my allergies i request a hypo room, so no down products, they realized it before i could call down because 15mins into my stay housekeeping was coming with a change in linens (another customer service kudo for that). the other thing was that the bathroom was so tiny that i felt claustrophic whenever i was in there with the door closed and the way it was situated with the dressing area was awkward. i could not have the door to the bathroom open and be in the dressing area at the same time, just too tight.
3. meals; i did not eat any of my meals there. i think the pricing for their food is insane and i understand why, the area and the chef. my friend that spent the day took me to dinner and we ended up only paying for one meal because a bug decided to land on one of them and once that happened we were done. the morning of check out i walked down the street and for the price of a granola and yogurt parfait at the hotel i got a breakfast sandwich with chicken sausage and organic eggs, a cup of fresh fruit and a muffin. i already had a bottle of water in my room, that i brought with me, so i went back to my room ate my breakfast and was so full off the sandwich and fruit that i ate the muffin for lunch.
4. fitness facility; i did not use it the two times prior but had decided to use it this time. it is a small space, not much bigger than the suite i was in however, i did not feel crowded at all. that may have been because there were only two people in there when i came in and after they left 3 more came in and as i was leaving 1 more came in but it still did not feel congested. they had some of the latest equipment and it was easy to use.
5. rooftop deck; i'd been on it before and i thought the same thing this time around as i had before, they need more shade umbrellas because the sun was brutal up there. i know it's a sun deck however, they should provide the option of not being in the sun as much. there were only two umbrellas when they could easily have 4 and neither of the the two were up. insult to injury, it was still a little dirty, grungy, sticky from the night before.
check out was smooth with no problems at all. so overall, as i said to them in my survey, i would recommend them because of my connection with them and i know they have the ability to be a better hotel however, that one good experience did not outweigh the too really bad experiences and if anyone asked me for details i would be inclined to give them my honest opinion.
so that's enough of that and if i could legally give the name of the hotel i would but contractually speaking i can not. more things have happened in my life and they were good but i'll get to those things later.
peace and blessings!
so, needless to say, once they figured out who i was and what my connection was to them they offered me a night's stay in one of their better rooms and initially i wasn't going to take it because two unpleasant experiences were enough for me. but later, as i thought about it and realized that i did need a night away, i accepted it. it was on one of the busier weekends because of the holiday and that's why i chose it. i wanted to see what would happen once they were swamped with independance day celebrations as well as their normal weekend crowds.
so here goes:
1. customer service overall was great, everyone was extremely pleasant and knowledgeable and if they didn't know they did not pretend to and had no problem saying let me double check that. they also waived a fee that i had totally forgotten about and was not prepared for. they answered the phone promptly and courteously everytime i called with a question.
the one problem i had, and it's ongoing until they make a permanent change, everytime i go i bring my pod to listen to my music of choice and they don't have pod docking stations. what they have are the radios that require an adapter cord, which is fine because the radio in my office is like that and i can work it just fine, however, i have the hardest time getting theirs to work so i have to call down for an engineer everytime and everytime they send me a new radio. this time they sent the radio and i explained to the housekeeper what i needed and asked for and he said you know call back down there and insist they send you what you asked for initially because a new radio isn't going to solve that problem. i told him he was absolutely correct and i appreciated him understanding that and acknowledging that there was nothing he could do to help.
2. the room was really nice, neat and clean and overall pleasant. i had a friend come to spend the day with me and they enjoyed the size of the room, the layout and all of the comforts just as much as i did. the bed felt awesome and i had a really hard time getting out of it the next morning. my only issues were because of my allergies i request a hypo room, so no down products, they realized it before i could call down because 15mins into my stay housekeeping was coming with a change in linens (another customer service kudo for that). the other thing was that the bathroom was so tiny that i felt claustrophic whenever i was in there with the door closed and the way it was situated with the dressing area was awkward. i could not have the door to the bathroom open and be in the dressing area at the same time, just too tight.
3. meals; i did not eat any of my meals there. i think the pricing for their food is insane and i understand why, the area and the chef. my friend that spent the day took me to dinner and we ended up only paying for one meal because a bug decided to land on one of them and once that happened we were done. the morning of check out i walked down the street and for the price of a granola and yogurt parfait at the hotel i got a breakfast sandwich with chicken sausage and organic eggs, a cup of fresh fruit and a muffin. i already had a bottle of water in my room, that i brought with me, so i went back to my room ate my breakfast and was so full off the sandwich and fruit that i ate the muffin for lunch.
4. fitness facility; i did not use it the two times prior but had decided to use it this time. it is a small space, not much bigger than the suite i was in however, i did not feel crowded at all. that may have been because there were only two people in there when i came in and after they left 3 more came in and as i was leaving 1 more came in but it still did not feel congested. they had some of the latest equipment and it was easy to use.
5. rooftop deck; i'd been on it before and i thought the same thing this time around as i had before, they need more shade umbrellas because the sun was brutal up there. i know it's a sun deck however, they should provide the option of not being in the sun as much. there were only two umbrellas when they could easily have 4 and neither of the the two were up. insult to injury, it was still a little dirty, grungy, sticky from the night before.
check out was smooth with no problems at all. so overall, as i said to them in my survey, i would recommend them because of my connection with them and i know they have the ability to be a better hotel however, that one good experience did not outweigh the too really bad experiences and if anyone asked me for details i would be inclined to give them my honest opinion.
so that's enough of that and if i could legally give the name of the hotel i would but contractually speaking i can not. more things have happened in my life and they were good but i'll get to those things later.
peace and blessings!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
it's been a while
my head hasn't been in it and the only reason i'm on now is because i can't sleep. don't know what woke me but i can't go back to sleep right now. i've had a lot on my mind lately and i've had a lot that i've decided there's nothing i can do about it right now. there are some things that i have realized are out of my control and i need to turn it over to the Creator and have him work it out. but there have also been some thing that i know if i had not been proactive in what i knew i could do and then let the Creator handle the rest, it wouldn't have turned out the same.
we still don't know what's going to happen with the bank and this house, i'm still believing that it will be saved. the bank will come back with a response that is workable for my family and we will progress from there. i'm believing that once that happens all of the rest will fall into place, like the upkeep of this building, it will all come together and since i've stopped the worrying because i know i can only do so much and i've put it in God's hands i feel better about it.
my employer is still keeping us in the dark about some things, so we are walking around still in rumor and speculation. we are still hearing things via the media versus the executives that we should hear it from. i know there's only so much i can do about that but what i can do is make everyday work for me by continuing to do my job to the best of my ability. i did get some good news yesterday and it will be a change for me which will make things a lot better, just have to get the ball rolling.
my oldest, i believe, is afraid of getting out there on his own. he asked me the other day if anything had changed on my end regarding his end of month deadline. i told him nothing has changed, i'm still looking forward to him being on his own. when i gave him the deadline 6months ago i knew he could do it and i knew i could let him. three months after that i stressed to him the importance of doing it and that now was the time, he doesn't have any children and no real debt so he needs to do it while he has time to enjoy it. he said he understood but i know he's afraid, he's so used to people making life easier for him even when i tried to help him understand that life isn't going to be that way on the outside. you have to work and work hard to establish yourself and people expect that from you. he'll be fine.
my middle son is really finding himself, he's moved into the next grade and i'm proud of him for that. he's so into technology and art that i'm sure he'll move into animation (3d and otherwise). he tries hard to make sure he does his part around the house and hates it when someone calls him lazy because he does so much around here to help. i had to let my family know that this was not ok, you don't call the child that does the most lazy. don't call any of them lazy just because they don't want to do everything you want them to do.
my youngest, my shadow, my lovebug, has to go to summer school. we are both disappointed about that but it's not like either of us didn't know, he just wasn't doing the work. if it isn't something that he's interested in he doesn't want to do it and unfortunately school doesn't work that way. i've done everything that i can emotionally and financially to help him but ultimately he has to do the work. he's seeing a counselor now on a weekly basis so that she can help him get better organized and thinking like goal oriented child/person and some of it is working and some of it isn't but he enjoys going. i asked him why the other day and he said because she tells him he's smart and can do it, she encourages him. i started to ask how is that different from what i say or do but i didn't because i already know the answer; it's coming from someone on the outsided looking in. he'll be just fine as well, all of my boys will be just fine.
i'm missing my sweetness, he's out of town on business for a week. it's funny how i miss someone that i don't normally see everyday anyway, even moreso funny because he's not really mine to begin with. but what we have established, this friendship, this vote of confidence and encouragement for each other is wonderful. i try to give him the time and space he needs to figure out the situation he's in but it's hard because when i'm with him i'm really with him. his energy and my energy mix so well together, we are two seperate people (of course, lol) with our distinctive personalities and views but we are one when it comes down to the core of things. we both want the same things ultimately for ourselves, our families and each other. we both want to see the other prosper and advance, we both want a better space for our families, he wants to leave a legacy of hope and faith and prosperity for his family and i want my children not to be in the same boat i'm in when they are my age and i don't want to be in the same boat my grandparents are in when i reach their age.
we are both very stingy when it comes to giving our whole hearts away but when we do we love hard and good. sure we can love our family and friends and even those from our past relationships but truly being IN love and allowing ourselves to be open for someone to potentially hurt us, we don't do that. but we have with each other and it's scary for both of us and it feels really good all at the same time. i truly believe that the Creator put us here for each other and that we are to be partners for life, but like i said, he's got somethings he needs to figure out and for that matter so do i, his are just a little bit more complicated than mine are.
well i've rambled enough and i'm still not sleepy guess i'll listen to some relaxing music or meditations and see if that helps.
peace and blessings!
we still don't know what's going to happen with the bank and this house, i'm still believing that it will be saved. the bank will come back with a response that is workable for my family and we will progress from there. i'm believing that once that happens all of the rest will fall into place, like the upkeep of this building, it will all come together and since i've stopped the worrying because i know i can only do so much and i've put it in God's hands i feel better about it.
my employer is still keeping us in the dark about some things, so we are walking around still in rumor and speculation. we are still hearing things via the media versus the executives that we should hear it from. i know there's only so much i can do about that but what i can do is make everyday work for me by continuing to do my job to the best of my ability. i did get some good news yesterday and it will be a change for me which will make things a lot better, just have to get the ball rolling.
my oldest, i believe, is afraid of getting out there on his own. he asked me the other day if anything had changed on my end regarding his end of month deadline. i told him nothing has changed, i'm still looking forward to him being on his own. when i gave him the deadline 6months ago i knew he could do it and i knew i could let him. three months after that i stressed to him the importance of doing it and that now was the time, he doesn't have any children and no real debt so he needs to do it while he has time to enjoy it. he said he understood but i know he's afraid, he's so used to people making life easier for him even when i tried to help him understand that life isn't going to be that way on the outside. you have to work and work hard to establish yourself and people expect that from you. he'll be fine.
my middle son is really finding himself, he's moved into the next grade and i'm proud of him for that. he's so into technology and art that i'm sure he'll move into animation (3d and otherwise). he tries hard to make sure he does his part around the house and hates it when someone calls him lazy because he does so much around here to help. i had to let my family know that this was not ok, you don't call the child that does the most lazy. don't call any of them lazy just because they don't want to do everything you want them to do.
my youngest, my shadow, my lovebug, has to go to summer school. we are both disappointed about that but it's not like either of us didn't know, he just wasn't doing the work. if it isn't something that he's interested in he doesn't want to do it and unfortunately school doesn't work that way. i've done everything that i can emotionally and financially to help him but ultimately he has to do the work. he's seeing a counselor now on a weekly basis so that she can help him get better organized and thinking like goal oriented child/person and some of it is working and some of it isn't but he enjoys going. i asked him why the other day and he said because she tells him he's smart and can do it, she encourages him. i started to ask how is that different from what i say or do but i didn't because i already know the answer; it's coming from someone on the outsided looking in. he'll be just fine as well, all of my boys will be just fine.
i'm missing my sweetness, he's out of town on business for a week. it's funny how i miss someone that i don't normally see everyday anyway, even moreso funny because he's not really mine to begin with. but what we have established, this friendship, this vote of confidence and encouragement for each other is wonderful. i try to give him the time and space he needs to figure out the situation he's in but it's hard because when i'm with him i'm really with him. his energy and my energy mix so well together, we are two seperate people (of course, lol) with our distinctive personalities and views but we are one when it comes down to the core of things. we both want the same things ultimately for ourselves, our families and each other. we both want to see the other prosper and advance, we both want a better space for our families, he wants to leave a legacy of hope and faith and prosperity for his family and i want my children not to be in the same boat i'm in when they are my age and i don't want to be in the same boat my grandparents are in when i reach their age.
we are both very stingy when it comes to giving our whole hearts away but when we do we love hard and good. sure we can love our family and friends and even those from our past relationships but truly being IN love and allowing ourselves to be open for someone to potentially hurt us, we don't do that. but we have with each other and it's scary for both of us and it feels really good all at the same time. i truly believe that the Creator put us here for each other and that we are to be partners for life, but like i said, he's got somethings he needs to figure out and for that matter so do i, his are just a little bit more complicated than mine are.
well i've rambled enough and i'm still not sleepy guess i'll listen to some relaxing music or meditations and see if that helps.
peace and blessings!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
what do you do
when everything around you seems to be falling apart around you? when every bill you have is past due? when your home is slated for foreclosure? when your job just added the responsibilities of two other people to your plate and your plate was already full? when they have done this but not even entertained the idea of increasing your pay? when your health is failing due to stress and other complications? when the health of family members is failing with no chance of improvement because of age or type of illness? when your friends have issues of their own to cope with so you choose not to confide in them? when people from your past feel they are still entitled to you and shuts down when you explain that they no longer have that privilege? when your kids behave as if you have never taught them anything good? when the person you're in love with and claims to be in love with you can't be yours because they have to clean up some things on their end before they can become integrated into your life? when you want to just get in your car and drive just so you can get away from it all but you don't even have enough money for gas to get you started?
what do you do? you pray, you pray without stopping, you pray until all that you need is fullfilled, you pray until you get tired of praying and then you pray some more and while you pray you thank the creator for all that he has done in your life and all that he will continue to do, you thank him for the good and the bad, you thank him for waking you and allowing you to see another day. afterall he didn't have to let you live but he did because he had a purpose for you and you are not allowed to give up. you pray and give thanks until all that is supposed to be yours in his will is indeed yours. that's what you do.
peace and blessings!
what do you do? you pray, you pray without stopping, you pray until all that you need is fullfilled, you pray until you get tired of praying and then you pray some more and while you pray you thank the creator for all that he has done in your life and all that he will continue to do, you thank him for the good and the bad, you thank him for waking you and allowing you to see another day. afterall he didn't have to let you live but he did because he had a purpose for you and you are not allowed to give up. you pray and give thanks until all that is supposed to be yours in his will is indeed yours. that's what you do.
peace and blessings!
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Prayer for our youth
Father God I ask in the mighty name of your son Jesus that you protect, cover and take hold of our children, all of our children. I ask that you give them not only the ability to look to you but the will and desire, I ask that you come to them throughout the day to guide them when they want to make a wrong decision, that you show them that there is a better way, that guns, fighting, drugs and the sex trade are not your way.
Father this is your world, these are your children you are in control. Father I ask that you show me how I can be a better example for them, not just mine but those around mine, those in the neighborhood. I want the young ladies to see that it is ok to be clean and presentable, they don't have to turn to sex for love and I want the young men to see what it is to respect women, to love women without saying sex is required.
Father show them what it is to care and provide for their families. I want them to see all of this despite what is put before them in the media. Father you have given us the authority to step on the devil's neck and to break his stronghold on our lives so I pray that we have the strength and desire to do just that. Our children need to see better examples of you in us the adults, they need better options to choose from, they need You Lord. Father I ask all of these things in Jesus' name, Amen.
Father this is your world, these are your children you are in control. Father I ask that you show me how I can be a better example for them, not just mine but those around mine, those in the neighborhood. I want the young ladies to see that it is ok to be clean and presentable, they don't have to turn to sex for love and I want the young men to see what it is to respect women, to love women without saying sex is required.
Father show them what it is to care and provide for their families. I want them to see all of this despite what is put before them in the media. Father you have given us the authority to step on the devil's neck and to break his stronghold on our lives so I pray that we have the strength and desire to do just that. Our children need to see better examples of you in us the adults, they need better options to choose from, they need You Lord. Father I ask all of these things in Jesus' name, Amen.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
where would i be?
it's been a rough and sickly past week and a half but i am still grateful for all that comes my way. my bad times help me to appreciate more my good times. i woke up this morning with smokie's song in my head and it comforted me. this happens a lot, i may be going through some trying times or i've had a bad dream and i will wake up with one of my favorite inspirational/gospel songs in my head and it just makes things better. my belief is that it is the Creator letting me know he still has me covered and all will be alright.
so i say in faith that it will get better; my family will be protected, our home will not be taken from us, my employment situation will get better, my finances will improve and all that is suppose to be well but isn't right now will be well and soon.
this day was given to you so go enjoy it in a wonderful and safe way.
peace and blessing beautiful people.
so i say in faith that it will get better; my family will be protected, our home will not be taken from us, my employment situation will get better, my finances will improve and all that is suppose to be well but isn't right now will be well and soon.
this day was given to you so go enjoy it in a wonderful and safe way.
peace and blessing beautiful people.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
sick
being sick for a couple of days and i just have to say, being sick is boring. i'm used to being up and active, busy running errands. i've been in bed for two freaking days with absolutely nothing interesting on tv to watch and can't talk on the phone because i have no voice and to top it off being creative is null because i'm sick and my creative juices are not flowing at all.
ugh, frustrating as all get out!!!
ugh, frustrating as all get out!!!
Thursday, May 6, 2010
I'm Tired
i wrote this about a month or so ago and i'm feeling a bit like this again today. i lot of times when i write encouraging things i'm doing it to uplift myself and if someone else feels uplifted by it then that's great too.
I’m tired
I’m tired of being sick and tired of being tired
Stop speaking in lack; speak those things that are not
As though they are
If you keep saying I don’t have the money, soon you will
Believe that you will never have the money
If you keep saying that I can’t do, soon you will believe
That you will never do
Understanding that times are hard and resources may
Be limited you still must trust and believe that all
Of your needs will be met for He is not the Creator of lack
But the provider of abundance and abundance the more
Your cup shall overflow to the point of near drowning
Understand who you are, Who’s you are and why you are here
Fulfill your life’s purpose, find your passion and all your hearts
Desires shall be yours in His time
Live, love, laugh, pray, praise, rejoice!©
Jai Bu
I’m tired
I’m tired of being sick and tired of being tired
Stop speaking in lack; speak those things that are not
As though they are
If you keep saying I don’t have the money, soon you will
Believe that you will never have the money
If you keep saying that I can’t do, soon you will believe
That you will never do
Understanding that times are hard and resources may
Be limited you still must trust and believe that all
Of your needs will be met for He is not the Creator of lack
But the provider of abundance and abundance the more
Your cup shall overflow to the point of near drowning
Understand who you are, Who’s you are and why you are here
Fulfill your life’s purpose, find your passion and all your hearts
Desires shall be yours in His time
Live, love, laugh, pray, praise, rejoice!©
Jai Bu
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Spoken Words
friday evening i attended a spoken word event, not my first, but definately my most interesting because i actually shared some of my own poetry. it felt great! i don't normally share my work with others in person because all of it is inspired by a person or event in my life and because my circle of friends is so small they will almost automatically know what or who i'm speaking on. this group of people though is a new creative group of people that i have formed a new connection with and they have really no idea who i'm speaking about. it was a great surprise for most of them because they had no idea i wrote poetry.
the young lady that was hosting the event was very happy i was speaking but was shocked by the content. i'm an open minded person and very comfortable with my sexuality and my emotional health so i read two pieces, both intimate but one very sexual and the other more emotionally intense and it stunned her and the audience (she didn't tell me that a lot of them were from her church) but they all enjoyed the work and though most of the artists before and after me spoke more on the spiritual realm they enjoyed my pieces.
i think i'll share more of me with them.
peace and blessings!
the young lady that was hosting the event was very happy i was speaking but was shocked by the content. i'm an open minded person and very comfortable with my sexuality and my emotional health so i read two pieces, both intimate but one very sexual and the other more emotionally intense and it stunned her and the audience (she didn't tell me that a lot of them were from her church) but they all enjoyed the work and though most of the artists before and after me spoke more on the spiritual realm they enjoyed my pieces.
i think i'll share more of me with them.
peace and blessings!
Special Event
i went to a wonderful formal event on thursday evening and encountered some fabulous people. some of which i was familiar with because i'd seen them in a few things and some from working with them. most everyone was dressed in the requested formal attire, some were semi-formal but overall everyone looked really good. however, there was this one young lady that was dressed a bit less than appropriate; the back was basically all out, the front was cut super low and the skirt portion was so high that i have no idea how she was able to sit down without showing all of her goods. to top it off, she was visibly uncomfortable because everyone else was dressed so much more appropriately. i just wanted to hug her and say sister don't every sell yourself short, don't ever think that less will automatically equal more, don't ever think that if a man sees you in an outfit such as this that he's going to think quality woman, have more respect for yourself, but the more i wanted to do that the more i listened to myself and realized that i would come across as critical and not helpful, so i said nothing. i don't like that i said nothing because i feel that it was an opportunity to pull another sister up and i didn't.
also while at this event i ran into two young ladies (two seperate instances) wearing wigs, which actually looked really nice on them. now i wear wigs from time to time so i have nothing bad to say about their wigs but it is important that i mention them because i have for the last 6 months or so worn my hair bald or very close to bald and this is how i wore it thursday and both women complimented me on the fact that i wore my hair that way and wished they had the courage to do the same. they both confessed to me that they were battling cancer and their hair loss was the result of chemo so i told them both to keep fighting that strong fight and wear their hair bald or low, if you have the courage and will to fight this illness you have every right to wear your bald head as a badge. they both said they would try but it may take them some time, one of them said that she had a nice shaped head like mine but her hair was growing in splotches, i said hun shave that hair off and wear it bald, don't be ashamed. she then proceeded to say she wasn't sure she had the courage yet and she was sure i was just wearing mine for fashions sake. so of course i proceeded to explain to her that it had nothing to do with fashion, i cut my hair off for a couple of reasons; 1. it was falling out in patches and it was difficult to hide the spots and 2. because i have lost family members to cancer and have family members still fighting the good fight. so fashion had nothing to do with it. she felt better after that and said the next time i saw her she would be sporting her bald head. good for you sister, good for you!
take every opportunity to build a person up and not tear them down, every chance to encourage someone not discourage, be a blessing to others not a burden.
peace and blessings wonderful people.
also while at this event i ran into two young ladies (two seperate instances) wearing wigs, which actually looked really nice on them. now i wear wigs from time to time so i have nothing bad to say about their wigs but it is important that i mention them because i have for the last 6 months or so worn my hair bald or very close to bald and this is how i wore it thursday and both women complimented me on the fact that i wore my hair that way and wished they had the courage to do the same. they both confessed to me that they were battling cancer and their hair loss was the result of chemo so i told them both to keep fighting that strong fight and wear their hair bald or low, if you have the courage and will to fight this illness you have every right to wear your bald head as a badge. they both said they would try but it may take them some time, one of them said that she had a nice shaped head like mine but her hair was growing in splotches, i said hun shave that hair off and wear it bald, don't be ashamed. she then proceeded to say she wasn't sure she had the courage yet and she was sure i was just wearing mine for fashions sake. so of course i proceeded to explain to her that it had nothing to do with fashion, i cut my hair off for a couple of reasons; 1. it was falling out in patches and it was difficult to hide the spots and 2. because i have lost family members to cancer and have family members still fighting the good fight. so fashion had nothing to do with it. she felt better after that and said the next time i saw her she would be sporting her bald head. good for you sister, good for you!
take every opportunity to build a person up and not tear them down, every chance to encourage someone not discourage, be a blessing to others not a burden.
peace and blessings wonderful people.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
so i had this procedure called cryoablation done today; it's the freezing (cryo) of the uterine lining used to dramatically reduce, if not eliminate, the monthly shedding of the uterine lining. in layman's terms it reduces or eliminates the "period" and i had to have this done for a couple of reasons: 1. i'm anemic and 2. i was having a cycle two to three times a month, one of which was extremely heavy. those two don't mix.
i chose this fairly new process because the alternative was a hystorectomy and major surgery is not on my agenda. the pain thus far is not too bad, and the meds are helping with that. the procedure is fairly invasive, think about getting your yearly exam and multiply it by 7. intense right? well it is, i literally shook from head to toe during the majority of the procedure and at one point lifted myself off the exam table from the pain but i tell you, in the end it's all worth it.
i'll journal on this as i go along because it will be 2 weeks of no intercourse, 4 weeks to see my gyne and about 6 weeks of complete recovery.
please do intense research before you consider a solution like this, know all that you can about it before you bring the option to your doc.
i chose this fairly new process because the alternative was a hystorectomy and major surgery is not on my agenda. the pain thus far is not too bad, and the meds are helping with that. the procedure is fairly invasive, think about getting your yearly exam and multiply it by 7. intense right? well it is, i literally shook from head to toe during the majority of the procedure and at one point lifted myself off the exam table from the pain but i tell you, in the end it's all worth it.
i'll journal on this as i go along because it will be 2 weeks of no intercourse, 4 weeks to see my gyne and about 6 weeks of complete recovery.
please do intense research before you consider a solution like this, know all that you can about it before you bring the option to your doc.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Your future is full of...
i saw this article this morning and i thought it was really appropriate for me so i decided to share it. i hope you enjoy it as much as i have.
Your future is full of...
HOPE because God is working on your behalf.In all things God works for the good of those who love Him. ROMANS 8:28
JOY because God has a plan for you."For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "...plans to give you hope and a future." JEREMIAH 29:11
PEACE because God will be wherever you go.I am with you always. MATTHEW 28:20
LOVE because God deeply cares for you.How wide and long and deep and high is the love of Christ. EPHESIANS 3:18
STRENGTH because God gives you everything you need.I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. PHILLIPIANS 4:13
CONFIDENCE because God made you who you are.God saw all that He had made, and it was very good. GENESIS 1:31
COURAGE because God can do more than you can imagine!With God all things are possible. MATTHEW 19:26
Borrowed from DaySpring Devotions “Heart to Heart with Holley”
Your future is full of...
HOPE because God is working on your behalf.In all things God works for the good of those who love Him. ROMANS 8:28
JOY because God has a plan for you."For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "...plans to give you hope and a future." JEREMIAH 29:11
PEACE because God will be wherever you go.I am with you always. MATTHEW 28:20
LOVE because God deeply cares for you.How wide and long and deep and high is the love of Christ. EPHESIANS 3:18
STRENGTH because God gives you everything you need.I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. PHILLIPIANS 4:13
CONFIDENCE because God made you who you are.God saw all that He had made, and it was very good. GENESIS 1:31
COURAGE because God can do more than you can imagine!With God all things are possible. MATTHEW 19:26
Borrowed from DaySpring Devotions “Heart to Heart with Holley”
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Customer Service
Why is Customer Service no longer important to the business world or people in general?
If I go to a store to spend my hard earned money I expect that the cashier I encounter is pleasant, that if I have questions along the way the employees are willing to help and are knowledgeable of their stores products. However, more times than not I go into a store looking for something and the employee has no idea what i'm talking about, the manager doesn't care and if I still choose to spend my money the cashier either has a nasty or non-caring attitude or is holding conversation with another person and not paying attention to me, the customer, at all.
If I decide to stay in a hotel, which I do from time to time to get away from my everyday life, I expect that the room I'm paying $100+ per night for is not going to have a busted closet door, will have lights that work overall, a working minifridge and a heater that is not only operational but clean. If I say I need hypoallergenic bedding I also expect that dust and dirt will be at a minimum. But on two separate occasions I've stayed in an "upscale" downtown hotel and had just that happen and after my food was ruined in the broken fridge and I reported it to the hotel staff they did not replace my expense for the food nor take anything off of my room cost and the employee (Manager) that I spoke with had an attitude of "yeah...and?". They did replace the fridge but at that point it was too late.
While I do understand that not every day is a good day for everyone, when you are in the business of providing customer service you must put on the face of having an absolutely wonderful day and if you are not capable of doing that you have a choice; stay home that day or go into the restroom and pull it together before you present yourself to the public.
Peace and Blessings
If I go to a store to spend my hard earned money I expect that the cashier I encounter is pleasant, that if I have questions along the way the employees are willing to help and are knowledgeable of their stores products. However, more times than not I go into a store looking for something and the employee has no idea what i'm talking about, the manager doesn't care and if I still choose to spend my money the cashier either has a nasty or non-caring attitude or is holding conversation with another person and not paying attention to me, the customer, at all.
If I decide to stay in a hotel, which I do from time to time to get away from my everyday life, I expect that the room I'm paying $100+ per night for is not going to have a busted closet door, will have lights that work overall, a working minifridge and a heater that is not only operational but clean. If I say I need hypoallergenic bedding I also expect that dust and dirt will be at a minimum. But on two separate occasions I've stayed in an "upscale" downtown hotel and had just that happen and after my food was ruined in the broken fridge and I reported it to the hotel staff they did not replace my expense for the food nor take anything off of my room cost and the employee (Manager) that I spoke with had an attitude of "yeah...and?". They did replace the fridge but at that point it was too late.
While I do understand that not every day is a good day for everyone, when you are in the business of providing customer service you must put on the face of having an absolutely wonderful day and if you are not capable of doing that you have a choice; stay home that day or go into the restroom and pull it together before you present yourself to the public.
Peace and Blessings
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)