Peace in the midst of

the last few weeks have been so busy for me and I've had a lot of thoughts running through my mind.  so many that if I put them all here it would probably look like jai babble, lol.

one of the things that I have learned over the years is that I am in control of my reactions to people and things.  as a mature adult and a child of the King it is more and more evident to me that I have put that lesson into practice a lot more than I initially realized. 

my spirit has always been one of peace, calm and tranquility so when I come up against something that is trying to pull me away from that I usually don't have to dig too deep to pull myself back together.  however there are times when I have to go deep for my center again because something has just truly rocked me.

one of the most important things that helps me stay centered is prayer.  I believe when you make that connection with the Higher Power (for me it's God) that you can't help but feel better.  another important way to stay centered is meditation.  some wonder about meditation because it seems so difficult to do especially when you have a lot going on but if you just sit for 5 minutes at a time, quietly it will happen.  initially it may be difficult because your mind is racing with one thing after the other but if you breath deeply and consistently you begin to clear your mind one minute at a time and before you know it there is nothing but darkness and peace.  you extend that 5 minutes from 5 to 7 to 10 and before you know it you are capable of meditating for 30 minutes at a time and being at peace.

one more thing that helps me stay centered, that I absolutely have to get back to, is exercise.  you don't have to do anything difficult or too strenuous.  I like walking, yoga and pilates.  all of these things help me clear my head and become one with nature, myself, God and keep me centered.  the adrenaline rush is amazing and lasts for a long time.

get in the practice of praying, meditating and exercising and when things begin to go wrong you will be strong enough to deal with them.

Peace and Blessings wonderful people,
jai ar

unforgiveness

I was listening to my usual radio program the other morning and the conversation turned to a particular gospel artist and him putting his personal, yet unpleasant, business out in social media and at the same time pulled a few other people in on there with him.  In this self exposing matter, after he’d basically called the other parties liars he then proceeded to say that he had forgiven them but the hosts of the show questioned the sincerity of that forgiveness.

It brought me to thinking more and more about forgiveness, or the lack thereof, and I came to two specific thoughts:

Unforgiveness has many reasons; one is that we have not been taught (shown) what it is.  But I think the other is; we tend to see that act that we cannot forgive in ourselves.

A lot of times when you are not able to forgive the person that has wronged you it may be because you see some of that wrong doing in you.  You see that it is either something that you have done and you feel guilty about and now that thing has been thrown in your face and the other person may not have had any idea what they have done or because you see in you the potential to do the same thing to another person but you are not happy about that fact that you are capable of being just as wrong because you see yourself as a “good person”.  Ex: if you cannot forgive your mate for going outside to get intimacy, and it doesn’t have to be physical, it could be because you are guilty of the same.

Don’t get me wrong, I do not condone infidelity but sometimes a person steps out of the partnership for a connection that they either never got from you or can no longer get from you no matter what they do to get it.  They did everything you like but you no longer have the interest or time to pay attention to them and give them that connection.  You blame them for the failure of your partnership and refuse to forgive them and all the while you are doing the very thing you refuse to forgive them for or you at least thought of doing, you wanted to do it, maybe even planned to do but didn’t act on it.  The guilty will persecute…think about it.

With all of the things that happened to me along this journey called life the only way I was able to get through it was to believe in a higher power (God, Jesus), pray to that higher power, ask for forgiveness and the power/ability to forgive myself and others.  No matter how much I’d thought I’d gotten over things the more it was put in my face in various ways, not always exactly as it happened but similar, the more I began to realize that I had not truly forgiven those things that had happened to me, myself for “letting” them happen and the people that had done those things.  But as I began to mature in myself and in my walk with God I began to learn to forgive and live in peace.  I don’t let people have that much control over my life anymore.   

I’m sitting there talking about what they did to me, thinking about how it hurt me and what I can do to get back at them and the whole while they are moving on with their lives no longer thinking about how they hurt me, no longer looking for forgiveness because in their heads and hearts, it’s done and over and if I can’t forgive them oh well.

Don’t hold on to grudges, that hurt, pain, unforgiveness, dislike, mistrust turns into hate and all of those things eat you alive and your health fails, your mind fails, your prosperity fails, your happiness fails and you cannot live in your purpose.  You may look, on occasion, happy and carefree but the whole while you are aching on the inside, falling apart on the inside.

Sit down and really think about it; why are you not forgiving that person honestly?  Is it really about what they did or didn’t do to you or is it more about what you may or may not have done to others or what may or may not have gone the way you wanted in your life.

You cannot truly forgive others until you have truly forgiven yourself.  Until you have forgiven yourself for what you have done in your past and who you used to be and asked the Creator for forgiveness you cannot truly forgive others.

Peace and blessings awesome people!

Jai Ar

life in review pt. 1

I live with no regrets because I know that everything that happens does for a reason and whether I understand it or not, at the time, is of no matter...at the time.  example; I worked for a while as an office manager for a very small minority owned company and that experience gave me the confidence to start my own business.  that was one of the most difficult years of my life because I never thought that things would be so hard and that my business would end the way it did.  that experience led me to being the only administrative support for an entire sales department of over 30 people, which was extremely challenging to say the least.  while there I worked for a very difficult person who knew that she had more emotional problems but she wanted to refused to deal with them appropriately.  but I also met some really great people of whom i'm still in contact with today.  when I left there because of limited growth potential I worked for a major tourist attraction in a male dominated department and met some really great people and some not so great people.  one of those people was another difficult person with emotional issues that was so far in denial that when I brought some things to her attention she refused to see it and eventually had to be treated later for the very thing I mentioned to her.  my experience with the other difficult person helped me in dealing with this difficult person so while everyone else was talking about how hard it was to work with her and they wished she would leave or get fired, I would sit back and just listen.  they also didn't understand how I was able to get along with her.

 while in that position I was promoted to another position that made me the supervisor of two people and office manager and assistant to a director and of course my previous experience prepared me for all of this responsibility.  during this time the two people that worked under me were sometimes very difficult to work with, one in particular, to the point of insubordination.  the one would come right to the edge and because she knew all of the guidelines she wouldn't cross the line totally.  there were so many times that I wanted to fire that person but I could not because of the situation we were in as a company and the fact that my department was severely shorthanded.  that situation took me to a new level in patience and also taught me about my tolerance level.

that position, responsibility, experience led me to the position I now hold where I am the main admin support, the office manager and I answer to the vp of a major department.  the company is going through major transitions, I supervise two people (well used to, had to fire one the other day), my office alone holds 100+ seats and I manage the entire office, oh and I forgot to mention that this is the new headquarters for this company built from the studs out new as well.  so much responsibility but my past experiences have led me to this position and I know that all that I've learned then will help me now and what I learn now will lead my to my next experience.  so glad for learning from the experiences.

learn from your experiences people and live life as if you have so that you don't repeat the bad in order to finally get to the good.

peace and blessings wonderful people!

jai ar

 

new life revolution

I've been trying for the last few hours to take a nap before service tonight.  we're going to watch night service at church and I haven't been to one in quite some time, about 6 years, so i'm looking forward to ringing in the new year in worship, praise and thanksgiving.  that takes me to another thing; I've been trying to figure out what to say to end the old and begin the new year for the last day or so and I have no mapped out words yet so i'm just going to let them flow free.

in 2012 I've encountered so many things and not all of them bad but of course not all of them good.  you've got to take the good with the bad and the bad with the good and hopefully understand that the bad helps you to appreciate the good more and more.

the words restoration and obedience keep coming to mind over and over again.  so for 2013 I would like all of those things that I lost in 2012 that I was supposed to hold on to restored and done so abundantly.  not just because they were mine but because they were promised to me.  as for the obedience portion, I want the will and desire to be obedient to those things that God called me to do because I know they have a point and He has a purpose for them and me.  my only reason for being so disobedient in 2012 that I can think of is the uncertainty of the unknown; what would happen to me if I did all of those things He told me to do?  what would happen if everyone knew and I either failed or succeeded?  you know the answer I've come back with...who cares?  so I will do as I am directed to do by my Father and Savior and won't concern myself with the why (me), how (do I) or who (cares).

that all leads me to what I call my new life revolution and not new year's resolution.  some things are about to change and not all of them are going to be easy, not all of them will be liked by others but I have to do what i'm guided to do in His name.  this year I want His will done in my life and not my own will, this year I want all things that He promised me that I let slip through my fingers restored, this year I will be obedient to His will for me.

I pray that so many others have the same thing in their lives, breath the same air that God breaths for them, live the life that He wants them to live and has all that He has for them.

peace and blessings wonderful people and happy new year!

jai ar

Marriage

Marriage is a selfless act; you must be prepared to give, compromise, adjust, sacrifice, surrender, submit, work, pray, believe, struggle, fight, cry, disagree, soothe, step back, step up, be uncomfortable, etc.; If you are not ready to do any of the above then you are not ready to say "i do" Too many people, both young and old, seem to think just because they've known each other for a long time or lived together first that is going to be glittered rainbows and marshmallow stars. Marriage will be a breeze. Let me tell you that even with God it's not easy because you are dealing with flawed and damaged human beings.

Peace

There is such beauty in being blessed with peace (of mind) (of heart) ( of spirit) (of soul) (of body).  You can be in the middle of chaos and still be at peace.  There are going to be some around you that try to disrupt your peace for whatever reason, either they don't know or they don't care.  Remove yourself and pray for them, for yourself and anyone they may encounter.  Whether you work with them, live with them or just happen upon them, remove yourself and pray.  Peace and blessings!

Friends

friends are a dime a dozen, everybody wants to say they are friends, have friends, want more friends, etc. however, a good friend, scratch that a great friend is hard to come by.

dictionary.com's definition of friend:
     --noun
       1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regards.
       3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile.

my definition of a friend, a good friend:
     someone who is there for you no matter what.  someone you can trust and depend on.  someone who will be honest with you even if they know that it may sting.  someone that, even if you haven't talked in several years, you could pick up the conversation as if there was never any time passed.  if you need a dollar for bus fare they would say i'll give you a ride.  if you need $10 to feed your kids dinner, even if they don't have it, they'll say come eat with us tonight and we'll figure out tomorrow.

a friend is someone that will be happy for you even when they are unhappy about themselves.  someone who will encourage you, uplift you, tell you if an outfit is all wrong for you, babysit your kids and treat them like they are theirs.  a friend will worship and pray with you, for you and ask you to do the same with them, for them.

a friend will help you move at the last minute, will give you a place to lay your head when your place no longer exists.  a friend will open their doors for you to have a function at their house when you don't have the money to rent out an actual party space and that same friend will spend their own money and decorate it for you as a gift because you have been all of those things to them.

I've lost friends for the very reason they said they liked me.  I lost one friend because I invited them out for a birthday drink to celebrate my birthday, but I had to work super late so I didn't make it to the bar at all.  do you know they got mad at me and told me they did not appreciate my not showing up because they had driven so far to see me, to celebrate with me and how could I be so inconsiderate.

this same friend liked the fact that I liked to have fun, get away from the kids and give them a girls night out so we could just laugh and not think about being wives, girlfriends, moms for a little bit.  this very same friend I bowled with on a regular basis and had come all the way to her home to pick her up on more than one occasion and dropped her back off (I live in the city she lives in the far south suburbs).  I never complained, never asked for gas money but because I missed my own birthday celebration, that she had to drive to, I was no longer a fun loving, thoughtful person.

I've lost a friend that said they knew they could depend on me to be honest with them and they trusted me enough to tell me some of their most intimate details because they knew I wouldn't tell anyone else.  they trusted my opinion.  well I was honest with them and they couldn't handle it and decided to no longer speak to me.

neither of these people do I hate or wish ill will towards, I still actually wonder how they are doing and if their families are well and I still love them as people but because they were on their own agendas or were having bad days we no longer have that connection.  so sad.

when my youngest son was much younger he used to feel that everyone should want to be his friend because he is a good person, he has a good heart.  he would be so hurt when a person would say they didn't like him or didn't want to be his friend and I would tell him that they just didn't know what they were missing out on, how good of a friend he could be.  but as he got older I began to tell them that not everyone was meant to be his friend and not everyone was supposed to be his friend, not everyone was going to like him.  he finally gets it!  he only has a couple of really good friends that he trusts and that trust him and some of those people that didn't want to be his friend initially are now seeing how good of a person he is.  they are now seeing him for the kind person that he really is, the kind heart he has.  when they approach him now he still gives them the opportunity to be his friend but he now appreciates the difference between a good friend and a friend.

true friends, good friends are hard to come by so if you should ever encounter one hold on to them because it's not about the amount of friends that you have but the quality of the friendships for the few that you do have.  cherish and appreciate your true friends.

peace and blessings wonderful people!