Note conflict my soul cries out loudly to you

Excited

So much has happened in the last few weeks, it's been amazing! right before my last posting i'd had 4 telephone interviews and one face to face with a second one scheduled and all went very well. I wanted all of them because i felt that i was qualified and capable for all of them and to do them all but the one i truly wanted that i just knew with every part of me was mine is the one i got!  i have cried tears of joy and thanked my Creator so much for this!

Back story; five years ago I was working for a major office equipment company and the only way i could move up or forward was to change my whole field of interest and that's not something i was really interested in doing so i started the job search and found a position with a major tourist spot and that gave me a boost in pay and a less stressful environment.  I really enjoyed what i did and who i worked for, shortly after starting i got my first raise and i was excited by that and looked forward to being able to do some things that i needed to do for my family and myself...and then.  The company started talking about how poor it was and how they had to cut back on spending so they did two things; one was they offered early retirements and second, they enforced 16 mandatory no pay days for two years and then another series of layoffs and early retirements.  During the midst of this one of my supervisors quit and i applied for the position and got the promotion, however, they cut the salary by $10,000 so while it was an increase in salary it wasn't what it should have been.  But i still rejoiced and was grateful and knew that something would change for the better.  Well a year into it the management company decided to hand over the reins to another company that immediately spoke on cutting more staff, especially in my area so i started the search again and got nothing back.  Another department started hiring so I told my oldest child and he was hired on part time.  Shortly after that i began getting responses back from job inquiries, nothing major but at least they acknowledged that they had received my resume, whereas before i wasn't even getting that.

Now also during this five years the man God intended for me came into my life and i remarried, we moved shortly after the wedding and it became a very costly lesson learned because we put $18,000 into a large condo that we renting and then later found out that we were basically being shafted by unsavory people.  So when the lease was up we moved into a much smaller apt in a less than favorable neighborhood so that we could save money to eventually buy our own home.  A month into the new place i started getting calls to set up interviews and i accepted the job offer for the job i really wanted and the salary is so amazing because it is practically $20,000 more than what i make now and has comparable benefits.  This allows my and my family to focus on doing the things we've wanted to do for our church and our family as a whole and i can look at going back to school to finish my degree.

Through all of this, the financial struggles and blessings i remained faithful in my belief that there was a purpose for it all and it would all pay off in the end.  I guess my point is that you should never give up, know that you are worthy of more and isn't because you are such a wonderful person that deserves only good to happen but because you believed that there was a higher power in control that would reward you for your faithfulness during the struggles.

Keep the faith good people, peace and blessings!

Household chores

So my teenagers have chores that switch up daily and they are fairly simple; clean your room, the kitchen, bathroom, living room and walk your dog.  Simple right? So why is it so difficult for them to do?  When i was younger, much younger, i had to do so much more than they have to.  My mother worked a lot and left most of the chores and care for my little brother to me.  I hated chores with a passion but someone had to do it and there was really no one else.  When my mother got married the first time we moved in with the step-family and we had to clean that apt everyday and it was harder than cleaning my own. 

Before the marriage we had a two bedroom, one bath apt in the projects and because i hated doing chores and i knew if i didn't do it well i would have to do it all over again on top of getting a whooping, i cleaned everyday and did my best not to make a big mess so there wasn't much to clean.  After the wedding it was a four bedroom, one bath apt with a large living room, a sitting room and the kitchen and it had, at any given time, seven to ten people living there along with a cat and/or dog or two and no one that wanted to clean.  So the kids had to get up every weekend and clean that house from one end to the other.  At one point we had someone there that wanted us to clean to military standards, how easy could that have been for kids who had no concept of the military outside.

In both homes, if we didn't clean properly the first time we had to clean all over again and if any one of us had the sole assignment of cleaning the kitchen and it wasn't done properly we have to wash every dish in the house.

Anyway back to my teenagers, so they have these simple chores and they just refuse to do them correctly, especially the youngest.  So what are they doing right now?  Washing every dish in the house and cleaning the kitchen  from top to bottom while i sit here watching them.  One is being sarcastic and the other is depressed, kinda sad and funny all at the same time.  Oh, forgot to mention that like typical teenage siblings they don't really get along with each other very well, usually.  Again, sad and funny at the same time.

Peace and blessings good people!

chaos

i've been dealing with a lot of chaos in my life lately and once upon a time when i worked for a life coach, she informed me that usually when chaotic event after chaotic event enters your life it usually means that you are off-center, off-balance and need to refocus your energy on more positive activities, thoughts and prayers.

last week, on my husband's birthday, so many chaotic things happened; 1, we got into a huge argument about a male friend of mine. 2, our car broke down. 3. we couldn't get a rental. 4. to get the car towed and repaired over the holiday cost us all of our money in the bank. 5. this has put our account into major overdraft because we mailed out checks to pay bills.  6. husband and i argue again about that male friend. 7. the morning of my son's ribbon pinning ceremony i get into a car accident, where 8. i go to the e.r. and accumulate a $200 bill for the copay and we also now have a $500 deductible to pay for whatever car repairs will have to be made.

my conclusion; i have not prayed and meditated the way i did prior to my marriage so my goal is to carve out that time i need every day to do just that.  my husband is high maintenance emotionally so i have to learn how to balance his desires with my own piece/peace of mind and calmness.

for all who feel that their world is turning upside down, filled with chaos and frenzied activity in a bad way needs to stop and take the time to just breath, pray and meditate.  if you are not one that believes in a higher power of any kind, i believe in God/Jesus, but if you don't then at least find that one positive thing that relaxes your mind and focus on it for at least 15 minutes every day and this will get you back on track over time.  also over time once you get good at meditating you'll learn how to take shorter meditation breaks that provide that quick rejuvenation.  remember, don't let anyone or anything know you off your pedestal of peace.  no one should have that much control and influence in your life that they keep you from finding balance, take back the control over your life.

peace and blessings!

Crazy ride

Yesterday was my husband's birthday and i wished him a very happy birthday and told him to saddle up for a wild and crazy day, well i spoke that thing into existence because that's exactly what it was.  We started the day out fine, loving each other and being happy and i decided it was time for me to start getting ready for church.  While i'm getting ready all hell was breaking loose and the next thing i know we are having a major disagreement, keep in mind this is his birthday and i had some big things planned for him that day.  So we have this disagreement and in the midst of it he says he doesn't want to do the things i planned, i said ok fine and began getting my things together. 

We go to church, service is good and i fess up to my being wrong and apologize for it, i thought everything was fine.  We leave church and head to the restaurant he wants to eat at and on the way there i almost hit someone who jumps out in front of me and somehow the shock on the driver side breaks...wtfoolishness!  We make it to our destination and call a tow truck, he calls a family member and we get the car towed to a repair shop but we still need a car.  We drive all around trying to get a rental and can't get one because neither of us has a major credit card, that's a story for another time.  We then drive to another relative's home and sit there for a bit when his aunt comes in and says we can use her car, hallelujah!  We leave there and get to the hotel, one of the things i had planned.  We check in and change clothes so we can go to the play he wanted to see.  After we laughed our heads off, by the way Madea Gets a Job is super funny, we leave the theater and go get something to eat and go back to the hotel to relax.

It cost us all of the money we had to get the car towed and repaired so we are officially broke and i have to call both my landlord and insurance company and explain why both the rent and insurance is going to be late, ugh.

I had no idea that yesterday was going to be so adventurous and i'm glad it's over and we survived it.

The reason for our big blow out is a topic for another discussion but it involves jealousy, insecurity, mistrust and the feeling of betrayal.

Peace and blessings good people!

Jai Ar

Birthday shopping

Sitting here wondering what this day is going to bring.  Today is my youngest son's birthday and i want it to be a great day for him and i will do all i can to make that happen.  Took him to the mall yesterday so he could pick out his own gift, tried to buy him shoes because he needs some decent sneakers, he said no.  Tried to buy him clothes because he could use a new casual outfit, he said no.  So we're walking through the mall and my husband has bought himself a new shirt and hat for his birthday next week, tried to get me to buy for myself and i said no, it's not about us it's about the soon to be 14yr old.  Finally we walk by a watch kiosk and this is what my son decides he wants, a blue, rubberized watch, thank goodness because i thought this was going to be a long process.  I did get myself something before we left, we put my upgraded wedding ring set on hold, woohoo!  My husband had been trying to do that since we got married and i kept saying no, not yet, but now we've done it and i'm excited.

Peace and blessings good people!

Ignorance

good morning beautiful people,

despite the fact that this whole summit hoopla has taken over my work place it has not been bothersome to me one bit.  why?  simply put...ignorance.  my position, although a nice one, is not one of much affluence or influence so i have not been given or told any critical information at all.  there are people running around here like the proverbial chicken with no head and losing what little bit of peace, sleep and sanity they do have all because they have some "important" role to play in this whole game.  i even have people asking me about cleaning a kitchen area because the extra enforcements will be forced to use that area and it, in it's present state, is rather embarrassing.  i told that person that the people that frequent that kitchen are responsible for keeping it clean and i didn't think it was fair to ask someone who doesn't use it at all to clean it. 

all of the things that are happening now are the last minute, pull it altogether stuff that seems to take the longest to smooth out.  you know those piddly things like making sure every one has the proper work schedule and the proper credentials, making sure that everyone is clear on how to get into this crazed place and knows where they can and can not park.  you know, the little stuff.

this campus is an absolutely beautiful place already but they way it's been transformed in certain areas is amazing to me.  i love seeing venues transformed from their usual state to something extravagant and breathtaking, at times.  the stagers and dressers are wonder workers to say the least, great job guys!  but again, having the information they had i know they were tightly wound and on edge.  there were spaces that were just that, spaces, but were transformed into rooms.   we have the cleaning staff that can only go into certain areas at certain times and a lot of them did not make it to the weekend phase of things, but they have managed to keep this huge place with their limited staff.  we have those that have to make sure the escalators and elevators are working properly during this whole thing and of course they are working with a limited staff as well.  transportation and traffic are a mess with all of the street closures and restricted areas surrounding this complex.  those on the outside looking in never really comprehend what all goes in to putting a production/event such as this one.  most just sit back and say, ok it will be done and ready when i get there.  they have no idea that people are running themselves ragged in order to pull this thing off with no hang ups.  all of these people behind the scenes making it happen.  all of these concerned and involved people pulling it together, again, like a chicken without a head and i'll just keep blissfully walking around in my ignorance and maybe even leisurely clean my office, so as not to be embarrassed by the extra enforcements that will be "sweeping" through the building.

peace and blessings good people,
jai-ar