I've Been Infected by Gossip

Over the last year or so I have noticed something about myself, not only have I had this horrible blood infection that has tried to kill me a couple of times this year alone, but I have also been infected by gossip.  I had to clutch my pearls when I figured this thing out.  Being a Christian you would think that I first asked God for forgiveness, repented and then apologized to the unknowing victim of my wayward words.  NOPE!  What I did initially, was try to rationalize or justify my participation in the conversation; well I didn't say anything, I just listened or I did say something but it wasn't anything major, or this one right here that I know you may have used too..."all I did was speak the truth".

Gossip is gossip is gossip, no matter the wrapping we put it in, point blank period, no question mark!  There are many scriptures about gossip; Ephesians 4:2  James 1:26; 4:11, Proverbs 11:9; 11:13, and Titus 2:3-5 just to name a few.  I am familiar with them all but the one in Titus hits me the hardest because it is the foundation scripture for my organization My Daughters Mentor.  How dare I!  

I noticed that my inclination to gossip stemmed from the people that I was around, who always had something to say about someone and I just went along for the ride.  The conversation may have started out with them telling me something about themselves in relation to a particular individual and then before you know it, it was all about that individual.   It hit me even more when I realized that my view or opinion of the person of interest had changed to negative and I didn't really know that person.  Hadn't, I myself, been a victim of this very thing?  Yes!  But I had allowed myself to be negatively influenced by the opinions of another person who thought, more than likely, that all they were doing was sharing information.

Years ago, when I became pregnant with my first child at 19, I had so many people, family and church members included, gossiping about my situation.  Saying things like how they couldn't believe I had gotten pregnant, I had ruined my life, and I had gone away to college to get an education and came back pregnant.  Fast forward years later when my mother died and there were so many people who had something to say about how she died and even more recent with her mother, my grandmother, died and there were family members slandering my character as it pertained to my grandmother's finances and how could there possibly no money.  All of these horrible things were said by people who didn't really know the circumstances behind any of those events.

My wounds have barely healed behind those painful two-edged sword words and again I have to ask myself...how dare I do the very same thing to someone else. 

My heart and soul truly repents for doing such to another person, I have forgiven myself for being so insensitive and I have asked for forgiveness from a couple of those people for speaking ill of them.  Although I cannot easily remove myself from those around me who take the liberty to speak on someone else's life and choices, I also cannot control what they say, but I can guard my ears and my tongue with God's help so that I don't become infected again.

Are you a gossip?  Have you fallen victim to lies we tell ourselves when we speak about others?  I would ask you to take inventory of your words, be mindful of the intent behind them, make sure you have the facts before you speak and if all else fails...just walk away from those who are trying to infect you.

Peace and blessings beautiful people!

Remember to walk in Your purpose!

Jai

The Mask

Masks, there are so many and they mean so many different things.  In the theater you have the comedy and tragedy, in social media you have emojis that mean you are happy, sad, crying, love something, hate something, you think it's poop, you are wowed by something.  We post pictures with us smiling and laughing as if all is well.  Masks, we wear them well but what are they covering up?  What are they hiding; hurt, pain, depression, illness, homelessness, lack of funds, low self-esteem?  Or, or are you really always that happy and joyful and fun to be around?

When I was dealing with depression before it got really heavy, I would smile as if all was well.  I would tell people that I was alright and that I could handle all that was given to me for me to take care of.  I lied and big time.  My world was turning upside down and flipping sideways, I was in so much internal turmoil and to look at me you would have no clue.  Family and friends had no idea that I was overwhelmed by the responsibilities of life.  Do you know someone like that or are you that person?  You are walking around telling everyone that it's ok, that you are alright or that you will be fine.  But the reality is that you cry when you are alone in the bathroom, or at night after everyone else has fallen asleep.  Your spouse or significant other is on the other side of the bed, snoring away, and has no idea that you are bawling your eyes out, snotting all over your pillow because the pain hurts so bad.

One of the things that drew me out of my depression, at the deepest point, heck at all points, was God's word.  God's promise to me, to us, is that trouble doesn't last always, that weeping endures for the night but joy comes in the morning.

We also wear masks of makeup and hair and expensive clothing, even expensive cars and houses.  Let me make this clear, there is absolutely nothing wrong with hair, makeup, expensive clothing, cars or houses.  If you have worked hard for these things, you deserve it.  They are there to enhance your appearance and your life.  But why do you really have those things?  A lot of women wear makeup and extra hair because they feel as if they are not beautiful without it, usually because someone told them that they would be cute if they had longer hair or if they wore a little makeup.  Darker complexioned people want to lighten their skin because someone told them that they would be cute if they were lighter.  People put the pressure on themselves to get numerous degrees and to be the smartest person in the class because someone told them that they were stupid or because they got a C on a test that they needed to work extra hard.  Doing this made them feel as if they were inadequate and weren't good enough.  Men buy expensive cars and/or large houses because as a child/teenager someone told them they were ugly and they had better get a lot of money because no woman would be attracted to them without it.  I have heard these things myself!  I have heard people say this to and about children, teenagers, young adults and even grown folks and it has saddened me.  Have I been guilty of it myself?  On some level, I'm sure I have and shame of me for being so insensitive and inconsiderate of the other person's feelings, self-worth and overall mental health.

If you are wearing a mask please take it off and deal with the real that is under that mask.  Deal with the hurt feelings, the low self-esteem, the pain of feeling abandoned and neglected, the depression.  You are worth so much and have so much to offer this world, beyond what anyone has ever told you in the past, even beyond your wildest dreams or imaginations.  Dive into God's word and you will find so many scriptures that are encouraging to your spirit.

Some scriptures:

Psalm 94:19

*James 1:2 -3

Proverbs 10:28

Romans 14:17; 15:13

*Psalm 30:15

*Hebrews 12:2

Peace and blessings beautiful people!  Remember to walk in Your purpose!

Jai

Selective Ignorance

Yesterday in my neighborhood my sons and i heard a lot of sirens, just over and over again, they seemed to never stop.  My youngest son asked me where were they going and i told him i had no idea, because i didn't.  We left maybe an hour later to go to do the laundry and there were still several sirens being heard and we had to pull over a couple of times so the police cars could get by us.  On the way to church this morning we were driving along and my son and i were talking about how people were raised and how that affects who they are today and how in some cases they allow themselves to live a "victim" life when i noticed a group of young men clustered in one section with a small boy and i thought to myself "it's too early to be hanging and why do they have that child with them" but as i got closer to them i could see they were putting up a memorial and then i said "Lord cover them"

After church i go onto my fb page and one of the first things i see in my news feed is that a young man had been killed by the police while allegedly in handcuffs.  Supposedly there was an attempted armed robbery of a truck driver by five young men and those men led the police on a car chase and then all bailed from the car and ran and this young man was caught but he resisted, the police, according to eyewitnesses, handcuffed him but one officer still felt threatened and proceeded to shoot the young man twice.  That young man left behind several family members including a newborn son and girlfriend.

I don't watch the news if i can help it but that gets hard sometimes because my husband does watch it.  But i don't watch it because i want to remain in selective ignorance.  It's not that i don't want to believe what's going on or that i don't believe in bad things happening, especially to good people or that i want to live in my own version of lala land or that i grew up in a world sheltered from the bad so i can't face it now.  On the contrary, i know that negativity, that bad things happen.  i grew up in the middle of bad things, it covered me like a warm winter coat, it walked down the street with me every day and when i tried to ignore it it got right in my face on several occasions to taunt me and try to make me believe there was no other way in life.  There were times when i believed it, many times when significantly bad/negative things happened and when i finally finish my book they will all be written down.

I choose selective ignorance because i get tired of hearing about our young black men killing others and subsequently themselves, i get tired of hearing about people going on, what appear to be random rampages and shooting up or stabbing, killing and harming people in general.  I get tired of hearing about the blatant disrespect for life and the outright racism, of the genocide, of the self hate.  I get tired of hearing about how bad the economy is at that our current president isn't helping the situation because his solutions are costing Americans so  much money and is causing small businesses to go out of business and how he wants the wealthy to pay more taxes and what a hardship that would be for them.  I get tired of hearing about men and women abusing and abandoning their children or women allowing men to abuse their children whether out of fear or out of pride of having a man no matter how bad he is for her and her children's lives.

Young men are killing other young men, especially in the black community, because they don't know true love from their own fathers.  Whether it be because their fathers were never there, or they were but did not display the positive example that their child needed to see or because they were there and according to how they were raised you didn't show emotions or outward examples of love as a man or if it was because that mother refused to let that man near his children or if because of pride they felt if they could not provide for their child financially they should not spend time with that child physically.

Men, if that mother is not letting you spend time with that child(ren) ask yourself why and be honest with yourself.  If you did something to damage that mother and or that child, either mentally or physically then you should not see that child without supervision and only after extensive counseling maybe to deal with what made you do the things you did.  If you promised her the world and all in it and did not deliver, whether on purpose to get in her panties or unintentionally because you weren't being realistic about your future together, then apologize, mend that fence.  Or is it that she is just being spiteful because you are no longer together but she believed you to be a good man and knows that taking your children from you would hurt you to the core?  Whatever the reason, before you call her a dirty rat stank bitch whore, remember, you laid with her by your own volition knowing there was a chance that a new life would be created.

Women, why are you not letting him see his children?  Is it because he was abusive?  Did you not see signs of that before hand or did he surprise you one day with a slap, kick, punch or call you out your name?  If that's the case, why did you stay?  Did you believe that you loved him enough that he would change or because he apologized and said he'd never do it again, only to do it again the next month?  Was it because you didn't believe you deserved better or was it just to say you had a man, no matter how bad of one he is?  Was it a one or two night stand or completely physical relationship and either you got caught off guard or you caught feelings and you either don't know who he really is or where he is or you thought having a baby would change how he felt about you and make you more than a booty call?  Is it because he has no money and can not provide financially, but didn't you know that before you laid with him?  Or is it because he is a good man but you treated him like crap and he got fed up and left you for someone who appreciates him and you know keeping his child from him will hurt him?  Wait, before you call him a low down  dirty whoring dog, didn't you know that when you lay with him there was a chance a life would be created? 

My brothers and sisters did you not pay attention in health class, did you not read the condom package? 

Despite all of that confusion, lack of knowledge or spitefulness the children suffer in the end and and become these beings that we have before us now that have no fear or respect of authority and surely no respect for life.  When you raise your child in a gang, drug and money hungry life and show them that there is no other way out or way to live you are igniting the fire of ignorance.  Men when you sit in front of tv all day and do nothing or sell drugs on the corner or out of your house and your sons and daughters see you with weapons they don't hear you telling them to stay in school and get an education because your actions are speaking louder.  Women when you bring man after man after man around your children and these men have the freedom to go and come/cum as they please without the semblance of caring for you or them you are not showing them how to live healthy lives and have healthy relationships.  When you dress like a street walker in clothing that is too tight, too short, too revealing you can not be mad at your daughter for wanting to wear the short, see thru dress that barely covers the black of her behind and you can't be mad at your son if that's all he brings home or feels it's ok to cuss you out when you tell him to take out the garbage or get the girl out of his bedroom.

I don't watch the news because i choose to be ignorant, i get tired of hearing about the killing, muggings, abuse, drunk driving accidents and/or deaths.  I choose to be selectively ignorant because the reality of what we are doing to others and subsequently to ourselves is ugly, hurtful, almost unbearable and unfathomable in the mind of someone who chooses to believe that there is some good in everyone it just has to be cultivated.  My pastor said something in service today, paraphrasing: don't keep saying that they need to put prayer back in the schools because why would you want the government  dictating what prayer your child says and what god are they praying to...your child should be praying anyway because of what you've taught them.  Or is it that the parents don't know to pray?

I pray that all of our hearts are touched to a point where we crave the need to nurture and encourage others young and old.  That we desire to see better in ourselves and others around us, that we love all that we encounter and push them to be better people, that we demonstrate love not just speak it.

Peace and blessings beautifully, wonderfully made people!