life in review pt. 1

I live with no regrets because I know that everything that happens does for a reason and whether I understand it or not, at the time, is of no matter...at the time.  example; I worked for a while as an office manager for a very small minority owned company and that experience gave me the confidence to start my own business.  that was one of the most difficult years of my life because I never thought that things would be so hard and that my business would end the way it did.  that experience led me to being the only administrative support for an entire sales department of over 30 people, which was extremely challenging to say the least.  while there I worked for a very difficult person who knew that she had more emotional problems but she wanted to refused to deal with them appropriately.  but I also met some really great people of whom i'm still in contact with today.  when I left there because of limited growth potential I worked for a major tourist attraction in a male dominated department and met some really great people and some not so great people.  one of those people was another difficult person with emotional issues that was so far in denial that when I brought some things to her attention she refused to see it and eventually had to be treated later for the very thing I mentioned to her.  my experience with the other difficult person helped me in dealing with this difficult person so while everyone else was talking about how hard it was to work with her and they wished she would leave or get fired, I would sit back and just listen.  they also didn't understand how I was able to get along with her.

 while in that position I was promoted to another position that made me the supervisor of two people and office manager and assistant to a director and of course my previous experience prepared me for all of this responsibility.  during this time the two people that worked under me were sometimes very difficult to work with, one in particular, to the point of insubordination.  the one would come right to the edge and because she knew all of the guidelines she wouldn't cross the line totally.  there were so many times that I wanted to fire that person but I could not because of the situation we were in as a company and the fact that my department was severely shorthanded.  that situation took me to a new level in patience and also taught me about my tolerance level.

that position, responsibility, experience led me to the position I now hold where I am the main admin support, the office manager and I answer to the vp of a major department.  the company is going through major transitions, I supervise two people (well used to, had to fire one the other day), my office alone holds 100+ seats and I manage the entire office, oh and I forgot to mention that this is the new headquarters for this company built from the studs out new as well.  so much responsibility but my past experiences have led me to this position and I know that all that I've learned then will help me now and what I learn now will lead my to my next experience.  so glad for learning from the experiences.

learn from your experiences people and live life as if you have so that you don't repeat the bad in order to finally get to the good.

peace and blessings wonderful people!

jai ar

 

new life revolution

I've been trying for the last few hours to take a nap before service tonight.  we're going to watch night service at church and I haven't been to one in quite some time, about 6 years, so i'm looking forward to ringing in the new year in worship, praise and thanksgiving.  that takes me to another thing; I've been trying to figure out what to say to end the old and begin the new year for the last day or so and I have no mapped out words yet so i'm just going to let them flow free.

in 2012 I've encountered so many things and not all of them bad but of course not all of them good.  you've got to take the good with the bad and the bad with the good and hopefully understand that the bad helps you to appreciate the good more and more.

the words restoration and obedience keep coming to mind over and over again.  so for 2013 I would like all of those things that I lost in 2012 that I was supposed to hold on to restored and done so abundantly.  not just because they were mine but because they were promised to me.  as for the obedience portion, I want the will and desire to be obedient to those things that God called me to do because I know they have a point and He has a purpose for them and me.  my only reason for being so disobedient in 2012 that I can think of is the uncertainty of the unknown; what would happen to me if I did all of those things He told me to do?  what would happen if everyone knew and I either failed or succeeded?  you know the answer I've come back with...who cares?  so I will do as I am directed to do by my Father and Savior and won't concern myself with the why (me), how (do I) or who (cares).

that all leads me to what I call my new life revolution and not new year's resolution.  some things are about to change and not all of them are going to be easy, not all of them will be liked by others but I have to do what i'm guided to do in His name.  this year I want His will done in my life and not my own will, this year I want all things that He promised me that I let slip through my fingers restored, this year I will be obedient to His will for me.

I pray that so many others have the same thing in their lives, breath the same air that God breaths for them, live the life that He wants them to live and has all that He has for them.

peace and blessings wonderful people and happy new year!

jai ar

Marriage

Marriage is a selfless act; you must be prepared to give, compromise, adjust, sacrifice, surrender, submit, work, pray, believe, struggle, fight, cry, disagree, soothe, step back, step up, be uncomfortable, etc.; If you are not ready to do any of the above then you are not ready to say "i do" Too many people, both young and old, seem to think just because they've known each other for a long time or lived together first that is going to be glittered rainbows and marshmallow stars. Marriage will be a breeze. Let me tell you that even with God it's not easy because you are dealing with flawed and damaged human beings.

Peace

There is such beauty in being blessed with peace (of mind) (of heart) ( of spirit) (of soul) (of body).  You can be in the middle of chaos and still be at peace.  There are going to be some around you that try to disrupt your peace for whatever reason, either they don't know or they don't care.  Remove yourself and pray for them, for yourself and anyone they may encounter.  Whether you work with them, live with them or just happen upon them, remove yourself and pray.  Peace and blessings!

Friends

friends are a dime a dozen, everybody wants to say they are friends, have friends, want more friends, etc. however, a good friend, scratch that a great friend is hard to come by.

dictionary.com's definition of friend:
     --noun
       1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regards.
       3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile.

my definition of a friend, a good friend:
     someone who is there for you no matter what.  someone you can trust and depend on.  someone who will be honest with you even if they know that it may sting.  someone that, even if you haven't talked in several years, you could pick up the conversation as if there was never any time passed.  if you need a dollar for bus fare they would say i'll give you a ride.  if you need $10 to feed your kids dinner, even if they don't have it, they'll say come eat with us tonight and we'll figure out tomorrow.

a friend is someone that will be happy for you even when they are unhappy about themselves.  someone who will encourage you, uplift you, tell you if an outfit is all wrong for you, babysit your kids and treat them like they are theirs.  a friend will worship and pray with you, for you and ask you to do the same with them, for them.

a friend will help you move at the last minute, will give you a place to lay your head when your place no longer exists.  a friend will open their doors for you to have a function at their house when you don't have the money to rent out an actual party space and that same friend will spend their own money and decorate it for you as a gift because you have been all of those things to them.

I've lost friends for the very reason they said they liked me.  I lost one friend because I invited them out for a birthday drink to celebrate my birthday, but I had to work super late so I didn't make it to the bar at all.  do you know they got mad at me and told me they did not appreciate my not showing up because they had driven so far to see me, to celebrate with me and how could I be so inconsiderate.

this same friend liked the fact that I liked to have fun, get away from the kids and give them a girls night out so we could just laugh and not think about being wives, girlfriends, moms for a little bit.  this very same friend I bowled with on a regular basis and had come all the way to her home to pick her up on more than one occasion and dropped her back off (I live in the city she lives in the far south suburbs).  I never complained, never asked for gas money but because I missed my own birthday celebration, that she had to drive to, I was no longer a fun loving, thoughtful person.

I've lost a friend that said they knew they could depend on me to be honest with them and they trusted me enough to tell me some of their most intimate details because they knew I wouldn't tell anyone else.  they trusted my opinion.  well I was honest with them and they couldn't handle it and decided to no longer speak to me.

neither of these people do I hate or wish ill will towards, I still actually wonder how they are doing and if their families are well and I still love them as people but because they were on their own agendas or were having bad days we no longer have that connection.  so sad.

when my youngest son was much younger he used to feel that everyone should want to be his friend because he is a good person, he has a good heart.  he would be so hurt when a person would say they didn't like him or didn't want to be his friend and I would tell him that they just didn't know what they were missing out on, how good of a friend he could be.  but as he got older I began to tell them that not everyone was meant to be his friend and not everyone was supposed to be his friend, not everyone was going to like him.  he finally gets it!  he only has a couple of really good friends that he trusts and that trust him and some of those people that didn't want to be his friend initially are now seeing how good of a person he is.  they are now seeing him for the kind person that he really is, the kind heart he has.  when they approach him now he still gives them the opportunity to be his friend but he now appreciates the difference between a good friend and a friend.

true friends, good friends are hard to come by so if you should ever encounter one hold on to them because it's not about the amount of friends that you have but the quality of the friendships for the few that you do have.  cherish and appreciate your true friends.

peace and blessings wonderful people!

Selective Ignorance

Yesterday in my neighborhood my sons and i heard a lot of sirens, just over and over again, they seemed to never stop.  My youngest son asked me where were they going and i told him i had no idea, because i didn't.  We left maybe an hour later to go to do the laundry and there were still several sirens being heard and we had to pull over a couple of times so the police cars could get by us.  On the way to church this morning we were driving along and my son and i were talking about how people were raised and how that affects who they are today and how in some cases they allow themselves to live a "victim" life when i noticed a group of young men clustered in one section with a small boy and i thought to myself "it's too early to be hanging and why do they have that child with them" but as i got closer to them i could see they were putting up a memorial and then i said "Lord cover them"

After church i go onto my fb page and one of the first things i see in my news feed is that a young man had been killed by the police while allegedly in handcuffs.  Supposedly there was an attempted armed robbery of a truck driver by five young men and those men led the police on a car chase and then all bailed from the car and ran and this young man was caught but he resisted, the police, according to eyewitnesses, handcuffed him but one officer still felt threatened and proceeded to shoot the young man twice.  That young man left behind several family members including a newborn son and girlfriend.

I don't watch the news if i can help it but that gets hard sometimes because my husband does watch it.  But i don't watch it because i want to remain in selective ignorance.  It's not that i don't want to believe what's going on or that i don't believe in bad things happening, especially to good people or that i want to live in my own version of lala land or that i grew up in a world sheltered from the bad so i can't face it now.  On the contrary, i know that negativity, that bad things happen.  i grew up in the middle of bad things, it covered me like a warm winter coat, it walked down the street with me every day and when i tried to ignore it it got right in my face on several occasions to taunt me and try to make me believe there was no other way in life.  There were times when i believed it, many times when significantly bad/negative things happened and when i finally finish my book they will all be written down.

I choose selective ignorance because i get tired of hearing about our young black men killing others and subsequently themselves, i get tired of hearing about people going on, what appear to be random rampages and shooting up or stabbing, killing and harming people in general.  I get tired of hearing about the blatant disrespect for life and the outright racism, of the genocide, of the self hate.  I get tired of hearing about how bad the economy is at that our current president isn't helping the situation because his solutions are costing Americans so  much money and is causing small businesses to go out of business and how he wants the wealthy to pay more taxes and what a hardship that would be for them.  I get tired of hearing about men and women abusing and abandoning their children or women allowing men to abuse their children whether out of fear or out of pride of having a man no matter how bad he is for her and her children's lives.

Young men are killing other young men, especially in the black community, because they don't know true love from their own fathers.  Whether it be because their fathers were never there, or they were but did not display the positive example that their child needed to see or because they were there and according to how they were raised you didn't show emotions or outward examples of love as a man or if it was because that mother refused to let that man near his children or if because of pride they felt if they could not provide for their child financially they should not spend time with that child physically.

Men, if that mother is not letting you spend time with that child(ren) ask yourself why and be honest with yourself.  If you did something to damage that mother and or that child, either mentally or physically then you should not see that child without supervision and only after extensive counseling maybe to deal with what made you do the things you did.  If you promised her the world and all in it and did not deliver, whether on purpose to get in her panties or unintentionally because you weren't being realistic about your future together, then apologize, mend that fence.  Or is it that she is just being spiteful because you are no longer together but she believed you to be a good man and knows that taking your children from you would hurt you to the core?  Whatever the reason, before you call her a dirty rat stank bitch whore, remember, you laid with her by your own volition knowing there was a chance that a new life would be created.

Women, why are you not letting him see his children?  Is it because he was abusive?  Did you not see signs of that before hand or did he surprise you one day with a slap, kick, punch or call you out your name?  If that's the case, why did you stay?  Did you believe that you loved him enough that he would change or because he apologized and said he'd never do it again, only to do it again the next month?  Was it because you didn't believe you deserved better or was it just to say you had a man, no matter how bad of one he is?  Was it a one or two night stand or completely physical relationship and either you got caught off guard or you caught feelings and you either don't know who he really is or where he is or you thought having a baby would change how he felt about you and make you more than a booty call?  Is it because he has no money and can not provide financially, but didn't you know that before you laid with him?  Or is it because he is a good man but you treated him like crap and he got fed up and left you for someone who appreciates him and you know keeping his child from him will hurt him?  Wait, before you call him a low down  dirty whoring dog, didn't you know that when you lay with him there was a chance a life would be created? 

My brothers and sisters did you not pay attention in health class, did you not read the condom package? 

Despite all of that confusion, lack of knowledge or spitefulness the children suffer in the end and and become these beings that we have before us now that have no fear or respect of authority and surely no respect for life.  When you raise your child in a gang, drug and money hungry life and show them that there is no other way out or way to live you are igniting the fire of ignorance.  Men when you sit in front of tv all day and do nothing or sell drugs on the corner or out of your house and your sons and daughters see you with weapons they don't hear you telling them to stay in school and get an education because your actions are speaking louder.  Women when you bring man after man after man around your children and these men have the freedom to go and come/cum as they please without the semblance of caring for you or them you are not showing them how to live healthy lives and have healthy relationships.  When you dress like a street walker in clothing that is too tight, too short, too revealing you can not be mad at your daughter for wanting to wear the short, see thru dress that barely covers the black of her behind and you can't be mad at your son if that's all he brings home or feels it's ok to cuss you out when you tell him to take out the garbage or get the girl out of his bedroom.

I don't watch the news because i choose to be ignorant, i get tired of hearing about the killing, muggings, abuse, drunk driving accidents and/or deaths.  I choose to be selectively ignorant because the reality of what we are doing to others and subsequently to ourselves is ugly, hurtful, almost unbearable and unfathomable in the mind of someone who chooses to believe that there is some good in everyone it just has to be cultivated.  My pastor said something in service today, paraphrasing: don't keep saying that they need to put prayer back in the schools because why would you want the government  dictating what prayer your child says and what god are they praying to...your child should be praying anyway because of what you've taught them.  Or is it that the parents don't know to pray?

I pray that all of our hearts are touched to a point where we crave the need to nurture and encourage others young and old.  That we desire to see better in ourselves and others around us, that we love all that we encounter and push them to be better people, that we demonstrate love not just speak it.

Peace and blessings beautifully, wonderfully made people!

Note conflict my soul cries out loudly to you